that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
