omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
