Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
