no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
