He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
