Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
