If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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