I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
