woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
