We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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