theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
