the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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