3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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