I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
