he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
