ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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