Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
