All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
