I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
