It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
