I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
