dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
