i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize