you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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