Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
