You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
