quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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