She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
