I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
