Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
