Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
