why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
