wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize