I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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