i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i now understand why vodka
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
