Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
