Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
