apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
