Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
