Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
