Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
