I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
