I just pynch a tree in the face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
