My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
