When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My bed smells like the plague
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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