Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
