and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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