he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
