We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
