so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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