That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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