my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize