Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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