Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
