Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
