I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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