was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
