i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
