I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
