Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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