don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
