He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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