I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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