covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
