I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
