There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
