so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize