i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We don't watch enough power rangers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
