So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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