I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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