Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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