Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
