halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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