We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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