I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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