I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Someone signed my nipple.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
