i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
