census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
