i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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