I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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