Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
