I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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