just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
