I looked at my own cervix.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize