Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
