its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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