So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
