i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize