True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
