if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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