did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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