my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't put those talents on a resume
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize