turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
