I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
