Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
